Have you buried a parent, spouse, sibling or child? Especially, when it was way before their time to leave this earth? If you have, you'll totally relate. If you haven't, pay attention because this post will help you be more empathetic to those in your life that have. My dad died of stomach cancer when I was 16. I'm now 32. I lost something beyond imaginable to most. Every single day, I think of him. Some days it's a happy memory, and some days I cry because I miss him or I'm still pissed over what I lost. In layman's terms, half of my life has been spent missing someone. A missing and longing with the ultimate finality. To see him again will be the day I leave this earth myself. If you've never buried an immediate family member, you have no idea how painful it is to long for the person and the life you lost with them until it's yours.
Not a day of your life passes without thinking of that person. There is always something that reminds you of them. Now imagine what it feels like on holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. Some years on these days, I'm smiling as I think of him (and actually most holidays this is true), but my dad’s birthday and anniversary of his death always seem to haunt me. Some people who grieve have the ability to live these days as another day and grieve at different times. I am simply not able to do that. I think especially for me, the anniversary of his death reminds me of the day my childhood ended. No 16-year-old kid should have to wake up to her father’s body drained of life. But I did. That is the last memory of the man who was bigger than life, full of wisdom, full of energy, a giant-hearted man. I felt so robbed of the life we would've had. It all died in that moment. Therefore, every year when this day comes about, I'm a total mess.
But the saddest part to me is if I didn't post on social media about it, most of the people in my life wouldn't even know what the day is. To most, it's just another day. The day that changed my life, destroyed dreams, and took away half of the reason I'm alive is nothing more to most than a typical day. And I get it, this day doesn't directly affect you. But it makes me a full on mess.
So, my point of this post is to be a better friend to those who are brave enough to post on social media about their loved ones. Whether it's the anniversary or just a regular day where they're posting, engage with them. They're sharing because they're in need of love.
We're heartbroken, and yes, we're seeking the engagement because we need to know others love us and remember the person we lost. And if you knew the person who passed, please comment about how amazing they were or share a memory of that person. Because for a fleeting moment they come back to life when you share a memory. (And to those who did this for me, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your words and kindness make those days better. I love each and everyone of you so much!) We may know the story you share or we may not, but you have no idea what it means to us. Please call us, text us, send us a message/email or comment on our post. We may not respond in the moment, but you will have changed the course of the day. Why? Because we're not alone, we're loved, and most importantly, our loved one is loved.
