Family Love

I have quite a big family. My mom has four siblings and my dad has five brothers. Between all those aunts and uncles I have 15 immediate first cousins and and 12 second cousins (my first cousins kids!). I have spent a lot of time in the past few years with my cousin, Elizabeth, and her three kids (Ryan, Jake and Brooke), my cousin, Megan, and her baby (Lilli) and my cousin, Jake.

They have kept me incredibly busy with everything going on in their lives. To say that they have been life savers would be an understatement.

Elizabeth has been the best "big" sis coaching me through all my adult crises over the past few years. Our relationship has grown so much now that I am in the real world. (We're 11 years apart in age.) And watching her kids grow up before my eyes is unreal. From bottles to full sentences and reading -- I cannot believe how much they have changed.

Megan and Lilli make me smile every day! Lilli just turned one. I can still remember the day she was born, and all the laps Meg and I walked around the maternity wing trying to get her to come out. She has always been determined and does things when she is ready/wants to. She is still this way...even a year later. I have never seen such a beautiful baby, and spending time with her makes you feel so youthful again. Everything is new and amazing again. And hearing her little words, and watching her imitate what you say/do is so precious.

Then, there's Jake. He is 14 and has more talent then I can even imagine. He is the lead singer in his band, and plays the harmonica. He loves Blues music, and does a hell of an impression on The Blues Brothers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Blues_Brothers) music. He also imitates Ray Charles (http://raycharles.com/) and sadly all the characters from the TV show, Family Guy (www.tbs.com/FamilyGuy) . He has so much charisma and spunk, and is still your typical teenager. His mentors have called him "an old soul in a young body." You have to check out his YouTube page and see his talent for yourself (plus I created it -- so you know it's good!) www.youtube.com/JakeJamesFriel.

The Cardinal Rule of a Breakup

Ladies, what is the cardinal rule of a breakup? You must change your hair. So, that is exactly what I did. I cut four inches off! I haven't had my hair this short since I was a freshman in high school. It is really start to grow on me. The only bad part -- I have to actually do my hair every day. If you know me at all, and my getting ready ritual, then you know this is very difficult for me.

It is not the only thing that I changed. I moved out of my apartment with my ex. I was incredibly sad to leave the apartment that I turned into a home. I loved every bit of it. I loved the layout, and I decorated it exactly the way I wanted to. I definitely shed a few tears leaving it behind. Moving out really means that it is over, and my life will be different from now on!

So, I moved in with my cousin, Megan, her husband, Richie, and her baby, Lilli! On top of that I added my beloved cat, Chase, to the mix of their other two cats. The dynamic is quite strange for Chase. He does not understand the concept of "play" yet! This is my second stint with living with them. I moved in with them three years ago when I first moved to Ohio. I cannot believe that my life has circled back to this again.

As I am settling in to my new digs I am realizing a lot. I put a picture up on the dresser -- it is one of my all-time favorites of my cousins, Megan and Molly, and me in Vegas for Meg's bachelorette party/wedding. It was four years ago exactly when the picture was taken. I had just graduated from college, back off a trip to Europe and in Vegas with family -- yet I was unhappy. Unlike all the people I graduated with, I didn't have any job prospects, I was single and torn between two locations. Same things I am facing today (unemployed with no prospects, single after a three year relationship and torn between Ohio and Atlanta). I would pray all the time for an answer, and looking back on it now...all I had to do was be patient.

The week after I got back from Vegas (by the way -- one of the most amazing weddings I've been to in my whole life!) I landed an internship. Six months later I got my first job in the real world at an agency in Columbus, and six months after that I met Casey. It only took one year, and my life was totally different. I keep thinking about that time, and it has given me so much hope. I know this next year will completely change my life...I'm truthfully, kind of excited!

I recently came across this quote, and it truly sums up what is happening now!

"Life's about change, sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's beautiful, most of the time it's both."

For me right now...it's both. It started with a haircut...let's see where it leads! =)

Life's A Always Changin'

Well, it has been a while since I last posted anything. If I had known how much my life would change in the past few months, I would not have been able to imagine it. A little over three weeks ago my relationship of almost three years ended. I ran off to Atlanta to help heal my heart. It was something I needed to do to help realize the extent of what had happened.

This relationship was my life...it still kind of is. You don't just stop loving the person overnight. Letting go of the person who has been a part of your biggest learning years is incredibly difficult. Since leaving the nest three and a half years ago I have been on a personal identity journey. Casey was a big part of it. He stood by my side through it all. Learning to leave this chapter behind has been incredibly sad.

I have been in limbo for nearly the last month. Trying to determine where to live, and begin a new journey is, to me, the hardest part. I don't want to start over. It's never fun to start over, and make choices that will ultimately change your life is scary. I am ready to start sharing my journey because I think it will lead me down a path I never expected.

I thought I was getting engaged soon...not so much now. Here I am, 26 and single. I thought my single days were over. I am terrified to be single. I was single most of my life, and always the third wheel with my friends. I guess I am back to that point again, tear.

After going to the doctor today, I couldn't hide the true feelings. She could see right through my facade. She could see the depression I was trying to hide. I am sad that it was written all over my face...I thought I was doing so well.

As I am going through this I have started to read two books to help me through this. "Eat. Pray. Love" and "A Grace Disguised." What I have learned are two important things...I am definitely in the eating phase. Food is very comforting. I am comfortable admitting that this is the phase I am in. Cheers to it! The second lesson "loss is loss." It's ok to grieve, and for now that's what I am doing.

More to come on my new journey...