The worst part of grief....
Is that it sneaks up on you. As I lay in bed, I start praying. Life's been full of changes lately, and for the first time in forever, I've begun praying. I need guidance. I lost my belief in God after my dad died. I've never fully regained it. But tonight, I needed him. As I pray for guidance about all the changes, the grief hits me. Like a ton of bricks....bam. I do the math and put together that it's been 16 years since my last Christmas with my dad. I've literally lived through more Christmases without him then with him. And here come the tears. The part that gets me is I don't remember many because I was a child. I'm heartbroken. I miss him. I'd give anything to have him here or at least remember more of them. The holidays can be overbearing no matter how long they've been gone. Time doesn't heal everything. Just remember those who grieve never stop...and grief never warns you when it will hit. Tonight grief won. Tomorrow begins a new day.
He was so awesome. I kiss him all the time....He loved you, you were his world.
ReplyDeleteAmazing. Just last night I asked God to cover you in love and hope and peace. Believe it or not memories of your dad are a way to receive that. Later it just flipped into my mind how much I wished he was sharing the bed with me again. Just to be able to hug him. The memory of that hurt but also comforted. That is the thing about grief. What hurts also comforts. As I reread some of your previous posts I realize God is working through you to reach others even while He reaches out to you for your love.
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