Showing posts with label milestones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label milestones. Show all posts
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Mother's Day
Thursday, April 9, 2015
15 Years
As I sat in bed at 4 a.m. today with my baby who woke up from the thunderstorm, it hit me, that exact moment 15 years earlier, I was in the hospital with dad as he was taking his last few breaths. It seemed so unrealistic to think how the little girl I was then handled such a big, drastic moment.
That whole day is a blur minus just a few moments. I remember the moment it happened, the nurses coming in, and how his whole body changed colors once the blood stopped pumping. How I got to the lobby to see my friend Lori who was on her way home in the wee hours, I don't remember. My only other memory of the entire day that changed my life forever is going through the Burger King drive-thru with my dad's friend, Rick. I needed breakfast. Such a normal thing that just a few weeks before I was doing with my dad, I realized in that moment I would never do that simple thing ever again with my dad. I almost felt guilty that I was already moving on. The way you process things at 16 is very different from how I would have felt if it happened now at 31.
When I was living through the loss, it was hard to imagine that I would get to this moment. It seems life will never go back to "normal." What I discovered is that it is a new normal. I think about my dad almost everyday. And the way my daughter sometimes stares up makes me wonder if he is visiting her. He is the reason I am here, which is the reason Charlotte is here. It is so special and amazing. Just a few weeks ago, we stopped in Canton on our way home from Cleveland and I took her to meet her grandpa. She played with the grass and I had to snap a memory of this special moment.
To me it meant life had come full circle. All those worries and tears led me to the life I have today with my amazing husband (that I know dad hand picked for me from heaven) and beautiful daughter.
As I grieve today, I also know that he made this life I have possible. For that, I am eternally grateful. I miss you daddy and love you so much. Until we meet again...
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| My favorite picture of my dad and me. |
That whole day is a blur minus just a few moments. I remember the moment it happened, the nurses coming in, and how his whole body changed colors once the blood stopped pumping. How I got to the lobby to see my friend Lori who was on her way home in the wee hours, I don't remember. My only other memory of the entire day that changed my life forever is going through the Burger King drive-thru with my dad's friend, Rick. I needed breakfast. Such a normal thing that just a few weeks before I was doing with my dad, I realized in that moment I would never do that simple thing ever again with my dad. I almost felt guilty that I was already moving on. The way you process things at 16 is very different from how I would have felt if it happened now at 31.
When I was living through the loss, it was hard to imagine that I would get to this moment. It seems life will never go back to "normal." What I discovered is that it is a new normal. I think about my dad almost everyday. And the way my daughter sometimes stares up makes me wonder if he is visiting her. He is the reason I am here, which is the reason Charlotte is here. It is so special and amazing. Just a few weeks ago, we stopped in Canton on our way home from Cleveland and I took her to meet her grandpa. She played with the grass and I had to snap a memory of this special moment.
To me it meant life had come full circle. All those worries and tears led me to the life I have today with my amazing husband (that I know dad hand picked for me from heaven) and beautiful daughter.
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